Thoughts from Winter Land
Silence. That means a lot of thinking. Again.
What all of that means is coming together later but here is one thought, when nothing is takinf the best time possible and when things are not going at all the way you planned, make the best of what is. What is what? This time coming back home was an escape - the way it ahould be but haven't felt like that for years. I just figured there was really no reason to spent my holiday in China (sure I would miss the Chinese New Year, again something that me and my friend are constatly talking about that we have to experience it). But still, even though I was there and it would seem like the most convenient time ever to do or experince something, I figured it still might not be the time for that.
With blue fingers one Saturday morning, when I knew one of my favorite girls was celebrating her birthday, I scrolled the plane tickets. It was cold, I was supposed to write my Master's Thesis but found myself pretty much unable to consentrate anything else that I was freezing in my room and there was nowhere to go to get warm. Getting back Finland... I must be out of my mind, I thought.
But then I started to think about it.
...I was missing my friends
...I needed to go to the dentist
...I could use my home uni's library
...I could go inside the house to escape the cold
...I could drink good coffee again, eat cottage cheese and cook my own food
...hold on... where are the down sides to this?
...it costs me money? ... so does staying warm. So that's more like a neutral fact.
That was the morning when Redhead woke up and sent me so many stickers on WeChat that my phone almost jammed. I had booked tickets.
I would stay a month before I go back to China. This time my mom's cat gave me a lesson a should have noted a long ago. That is her favorite toy but she doesn't play with it unless she feels like it. What is with humans? We have to do things, even our favorite things, because they are our favorite things and suddenly we notice we just do them wihtout really enjoying it.
In the gym that means many times that training is going over and break is needed. In life otherwise it might mean that rush is overriding the experince and we might even feel guilty for having time to enjoy our favorite things - so we just do them.
If she takes the time to wash her paw, why wouldn't I take my time to enjoy. That is my mission when I go back again - to enjoy. And even if I do enjoy, take the time called free time which as a student is non-existing, I can still get things done and I am not going to be broke.
Today, my last day in Winter Land was sunny and I had to take my camera for a walk. That's what I enjoy a lot. No that much of being myself in front of the camera but capturing the details and little wonders in life many other times go unoticed. I got eye for details. This turned out to be more than a metaphore of how I feel. Little ice cube there, trying to lift it up. There's one word for it "graduation". Day after day I go in between "get a job, don't get a job and just go for trying out with your own company" I'm not doubting weather I could start a company or not and make it thrive - I know I can, but the question is rather is wise right now and do I rather want to have a job or maybe continue in a doctor program. I have no idea right now... and frankly, I will be happy with every choise there. How do I know that? Because I know I will make most of it anyway. I believe that it all debends on how one looks at things.
Winter winds are going to be behind me soon and I guess I will spend a month as a crazy scientist who just writes and writes and writes. I promised that my last look version of my thesis would be done by 31.3 and that means I still got another half of it that I have to write. But there is a seed of thought that has finally gotten up so much that I acknowledge it and that's something that hopefully will make my future as brighter than it has been looking the past years. It does because I have the sense of what I want to do, and where do I want to go. See you in happyland and in brighter blog :D
